Why talk me

I don't know what has happened to me.

Yes- I do. Actually. 

Probably. 

My defense paved the way too much now I find those daily small, silly interactions with 

people stupid.

"Hi."

"Heya~! How's it going?"

It cringes me out. 

Unnecessity.

Unproductiveness.

Embarrassing. 

I know. I sound like a bitch.

You want to tell me to shut up and I get it. 

I have no friends. 

My defense mechanism went wrong.

Or have I always hated people? Irritable towards them.

Like how my father prefers solitude. And how my mother gets hysterical over a little 

argument.

Yet my father says that if my mentality were like mom's. Her audacity. Her confidence. 

Her sharp tongue. Her wits. ― Her cunningness.

 Dad, if I were like her, I wouldn't be writing here. 

I know, you'll never know I write here. 

I love you, dad. But your ex-wife is gone.